Helping children navigate life’s challenges isn’t about shielding them from hardships—it’s about teaching them to handle emotions effectively. Instead of managing their feelings for them, parents should guide children in taking responsibility for their emotions, helping them build resilience and self-regulation skills. Research suggests that children who develop emotional regulation skills early in life experience better long-term mental health outcomes, including reduced stress and improved overall well-being (Aldao et al., 2010).

What to avoid? Don’t be Your Child’s
‘Emotional Manager’

While stepping in to fix every emotional struggle may seem helpful, it can actually prevent kids from developing coping mechanisms. Over time, children who rely on parents to regulate their emotions may struggle with anxiety, impulsivity, and social interactions (Eisenberg et al., 2010). Studies show that children who are overprotected from emotional distress are at higher risk of developing anxiety disorders and lack problem-solving abilities later in life (Chorpita & Barlow, 1998).

Signs of over-managing emotions include

• Distracting them from negative feelings (e.g., offering treats or jokes when they are upset).
• Always stepping in to calm them before they learn to self-soothe.
• Intervening too soon when they face frustrations instead of letting them work through the issue.

What Kids Gain From Taking Charge Of Their Own Feelings?

Having strong emotional regulation skills doesn’t mean kids won’t feel sad, angry, or frustrated — that’s part of being human. But they’ll be better equipped to handle life’s challenges independently. They’ll have: 

• Better problem-solving skills – They stay calm under pressure and think more clearly. Research indicates that emotional regulation is positively correlated with cognitive flexibility, which improves problem-solving abilities (Compas et al., 2017).
• Stronger relationships – They express emotions in healthy ways and build positive friendships. Emotional intelligence has been linked to better social interactions and relationship satisfaction (Brackett et al., 2011).
• Improved academic performance – Emotional regulation supports focus and productivity. A study found that children with strong self-regulation skills tend to perform better academically due to enhanced attention control (Blair & Raver, 2015).
• Reduced risk of anxiety and depression – Research shows that emotional resilience lowers mental health risks later in life. Children who develop coping mechanisms early are less likely to suffer from mood disorders as they grow older (Southam-Gerow & Kendall, 2002).

How to Teach Kids to Regulate Their Emotions?

Helping your child take charge of their feelings isn’t about being a “hands-off” parent. It’s about being a supportive presence who believes in their ability to handle life’s emotional rollercoaster. 

By stepping back and allowing your child to face their emotions, you’re fostering the kind of inner strength that sets them up for success in all areas of life.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Model healthy coping skills

Kids learn by watching the adults around them. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, show your child how you handle it. Say things like, “I’m feeling a little frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath to calm down.” 

Demonstrating these habits helps them better understand emotions and shows them they can take charge of their feelings. 

2. Normalize tough feelings 

Make sure your child knows it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or scared. Rather than viewing these emotions as “bad,” teach them to see them as signals.  Labeling emotions and discussing their function helps children understand and process their feelings (Gottman et al., 1996).

For example, you could say, “It’s normal to feel sad when something doesn’t go the way we wanted. That’s our brain’s way of telling us we really cared about it.” 

3. Encourage problem-solving 

When your child faces an emotional hurdle, don’t rush to solve it for them. Instead, guide them through it. 

Try saying, “I can see you’re really upset right now. What do you think we can do to make the situation better?” They may not have all the answers at first, but with time, they’ll get there. 

4. Teach emotional skills to your kids

Help your child build an emotional skills toolbox to manage their feelings. Depending on their age and preferences, this might include deep breathing, drawing, journaling, or taking a short walk. Practice these techniques together so they become second nature. Research supports the use of creative expression as an effective emotional regulation tool (Malchiodi, 2012).

5. Validate feelings while teaching socially appropriate behavior 

When your child is having a meltdown, you can acknowledge their emotions while reinforcing appropriate behavior. Providing validation helps children feel heard while also guiding them toward appropriate responses (Koole, 2009). If they’re disrupting or hurting others, you can use a phrase like, “It’s okay to feel upset, but not okay to act this way.”

From there, you can redirect them to coping methods they’ve been working on. For example, say, “I can see you’re feeling frustrated right now. That’s okay. What calming tool do you think would help?” This approach shows empathy while reinforcing their independence. 

6. Recognize and praise their progress 

When you notice your child managing their emotions independently, celebrate it.

Say things like, “I like the way you took a break when you were angry,” or “I’m glad you could tell me you feel nervous about that test. Great job.” 

Positive reinforcement strengthens emotional resilience and builds confidence (Dweck, 2006).

By allowing children to face their emotions with support, parents foster resilience, self-reliance, and emotional intelligence—essential tools for navigating life successfully.

References

• Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217-237.
• Blair, C., & Raver, C. C. (2015). School readiness and self-regulation: A developmental psychobiological approach. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 711-731.
• Brackett, M. A., Rivers, S. E., & Salovey, P. (2011). Emotional intelligence: Implications for personal, social, academic, and workplace success. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 88-103.
• Chorpita, B. F., & Barlow, D. H. (1998). The development of anxiety: The role of control in the early environment. Psychological Bulletin, 124(1), 3-21.
• Compas, B. E., Jaser, S. S., Bettis, A. H., Watson, K. H., Gruhn, M. A., Dunbar, J. P., Williams, E. K., & Thigpen, J. C. (2017). Coping, emotion regulation, and psychopathology in childhood and adolescence: A meta-analysis and narrative review. Psychological Bulletin, 143(9), 939-991.
• Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
• Eisenberg, N., Spinrad, T. L., & Eggum, N. D. (2010). Emotion-related self-regulation and its relation to children’s maladjustment. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 495-525.
• Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1996). Parental meta-emotion philosophy and the emotional life of families: Theoretical models and preliminary data. Journal of Family Psychology, 10(3), 243-268.
• Koole, S. L. (2009). The psychology of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Cognition and Emotion, 23(1), 4-41.
• Malchiodi, C. A. (2012). Handbook of art therapy. Guilford Press.
• Southam-Gerow, M. A., & Kendall, P. C. (2002). Emotion regulation and understanding: Implications for child psychopathology and therapy. Clinical Psychology Review, 22(2), 189-222.